Dear All and Sundry,

It is time for me to bid farewell.
At 2.00pm tomorrow I leave this beautiful country of ours in search of fame
and fortune.

There are just to many Larry Emdurs and Andrew O'keefes in this country for
me to break into the Lucrative 'Game Show Host' industry, so I make the
move to the Mother Country where the talent pool is shallower than the cast
of Big Brother.

This chapter will be the first of a series of light hearted, terribly
amusing, always interesting anecdotes of the life and times of Luke A
Curtain.

Obviously I will be gone for an extended period, and no doubt I will be
leaving a lot of broken hearts behind (None more so than Emu). I just hope
that my stories of intrigue and adversity, adventure and romance go some
way towards filling the void.


There has already been talk of when I will return. Some say I will be home
in a couple of months, others say I might be gone for good.
The latest odds with Centrebet are as follows;

1. Bump into Heather Mills-McCartney in a bar in London after I get off the
plane. We get talking over a few drinks. She laments the fact Sir Paul
walked out on her. I say she needed to put her 'foot' down. We end up
getting 'legless' and both blow our fortunes.
I am on the next plane back to Melbourne
50-1

2. I couldn't get tickets to the World Cup in Germany so I masquerade as
Kevin Spacey (Apparently I look like him) to get into the games. To my
surpise the USA make the World Cup Final and I am asked to Sing the Star
Spangled Banner before kick off. I only know the Jimi Hendrix version and
therefore struggle my way through. I am kicked out of the country and
extradited to the USA where I later become a contestant on American Idol.
25-1

3. I marry the first croatian girl that gives me the slighest bit of
attention. We set up a 'Plaster Fun House' in Zagreb and live happily ever
after (Sorry mum)
2-1

4. I get my dream job as the Host of the English version of 'Deal or No
Deal'. A 5 year contract serves me well, until retiring to 'The Isle of
Man' sailing my Sloop and listening to Bee Gee hits
5-1

5. I go on a tour of the Guiness factory, never to return
Evens


I look forward to hearing banter from all off you while I am away.
I will miss you all terribly.
Stuey do you still have my 'Mad Max' Dvd....?

LC