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July 31 The Chronicles of Luke A Curtain - Chapter 3POLSKA PIEKNA
TUESDAY MAY 30
Left behind at a Train Station in Berlin, lamenting life, I was wondering if I would ever see my pack, my clothes, or my travel companion Meza again.
In my moment of despair a German couple came to my aid. Not speaking a word of english they were able to gesture that on the adjoining platform a train was scheduled to depart for Frankfurt-Oder at 12.50pm (A stop where some of the passengers on the Warsaw Express would elight) I was subsequently convinced that this was my best opportunity to make it to Poland.
As we ventured towards our destination I approached the Train Conducter within the carriage, and attempted to explain my plight. Again another German who couldn't speak English. I was beginning to wonder if the people of Deutschland were really making and effort to accomodate Australian backpackers who had no idea what the hell they are doing.
My pantomime style theatrics were good enough for her to understand what had happened and she generously contacted her colleagues on the Warsaw Express. Unfortunately they could not be convinced to wait for me at the next station so I would have to disembark at Frankfurt-Oder. I was however given free travel and I thought I could be stuck in worst places. After all Frankfurt is the financial heart of Germany and the centre of European travel, surely there was a lot to see in a city such as this.
When I arrived, and had subsequently seen the entire town by foot in 20 minutes, I began to wonder why there was so much hype about this place. Enquiring with some of the locals it was pointed out to me that the Frankfurt I was expecting was infact in West Germany with a population of over 1 million people and the Frankfurt I had seen in 20 minutes was on the German/Poland border and had a population of 1 thousand people. Common mistake I am sure!
I had to sleep on a bench at the station for about four hours till I could board the next train to Warsaw.
It was a long an tedious train ride to the Polish capital and irritation was begginning to set in with the knowledge that I was about 5-6 hours behind schedule and wouldn't be arriving at our accomodation till midnight. The other concern was that I didn't know the name of our hostel, I only knew its general location and I wasn't able to contact Meza as my phone had gone completely flat.
Again, European generosity came to the fore as a Polish chap in my carriage (who could also speak German and English) offered to drive me to my Accomodation.
I explained that I didn't know the name of the place, but gave him the general location. He said, 'Ooh, That's not a very good area. A little dangerous''.
Fantastic I thought, and when I couldn't identify where the place was he retracted his offer to drive and could only point me in the general direction, and therefore I had to search by foot.
Well I eventually found the Hostel (Nathan's Villa) after scouting the steets for what seemed an eternity and when I entered the accomodation introducing myself to the girl manning the reception she laughed to herself and said, 'I know who you are. Your friend is upstairs'. Obviously Meza had ridiculed me in my absence.
As I made my walk of shame to the level above I was greeted with a riotous welcoming. Meza had formed quite a fan base of well travelled people from around the globe who were just dying to take the piss out of me.
Turned out to be a great night!
Wednesday May 31
Meza and I spent the day travelling the streets of Warsaw with sisters from Minnesotta (Stacey & Bec). We had met them the previous night and we thought that they were worthy of spending 12 hours with.
Although Warsaw had been completely rebuilt since WW2 (Two-thirds of the population were killed and 83% of the city destroyed) it was still full of life and its town square had been restored to its former glory.
Generally speaking the streets, the landscape and the buildings of Warsaw were no rival to some of the great cities of Eastern Europe, but it is a compelling and grossly underrated city.
Furthermore, Warsaw (infact Poland in general) is home to the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Homogenization that set in after WW2 certainly had some major benefits.
From recollection, I fell in love 43 times on my first day in Poland. Stats that deserve appreciation.
Highlights of the day were certainly the women, the kebabs, the markets and the women.
The evening was spent relaxing, drinking cheap Polish liquor and hanging out with Bec, Stacey and two other girls we met (Kelly and Jeanne).
Meza and I really began to feel comfortable together as travel companions and the banter between us was riotously funny. We had these ladies in hysterics. It was clear to all that 'The Meza and Curto Show had just begun'.
Thursday June 1
Meza and I along with Jeanne and Kelly spent the first part of the day checking out more of the Polish Capital. 'The Pope' had visited Warsaw only a week or so before so there was religious propaganda everywhere. We had also taken a look at the Jewish cemetary and had got lost along the way. Fell in love another 28 times.
The two girls had decided to join us on our next adventure to Krakow (Approximately three hours south by train). We left in the late afternoon after an exhausting Day of walking.
The work load had taken its toll on the other three guys and they slept the entire trip. To stay entertained I introduced myself to a Polish chap sitting opposite me on the train. I explained that the people of Warsaw were not always that helpful because I had no grasp of their language. He then offered to give me a crash course in Polski.
He taught me all there is to know.
Phrases such as;
The Hostel we were staying at in Krakow was simply awesome. It was in an Incredibly location right in the town square, it had a sensational atmosphere, amazing staff and great food on offer. When we checked in I charmed the female staff with my attemps to speak their native tongue. They were suitably amused, along with their Australian colleague who rewarded my efforts by giving me free accommodation for the duration of my stay. After freshening up Meza decided to continue his search for Europe's greatest Kebab, so Jeanne, Kelly and I took a night tour of the Krakowian streets and checked out some of their famous Jazz Bars.
Friday June 2 This was the most intense day of my trip to date.
The four of us spent the day at Auschwitz-Birkenau. Scene of the most extensive experiment in genocide in World History. The death factories at A-B exterminated approximately 1.5 million people (Mostly Jews).
Viewing The prison blocks of Auschwitz was not as harrowing as I expected. In fact it had quite a peacful feeling and the buildings themselves where in pristine condition. My emotions changed quickly however when our guide took us through the gas chambers and other parts of the museum, where women's hair (Used for the German textile industry) and thousands of childrens shoes were on display.
The enormity of this exercise became even more disturbing at Birkenau. Although much of this camp was destroyed by the Nazis, the barbed wire stretching as far as the eye can see and the remains of the 300 prison barracks really gives you an idea of the scale of this monstrous crime.
That evening, in an attempt to lift our spirits the four of us checked out the night life of Krakow.
Firstly going to a few Jazz Bars we ended up drinking the night away at a club named 'Propaganda'.
Aptly named perhaps as the tourist brochures mention it as a hip Polish Club, while the locals regard it as nothing more than a meat market. Meat market works for me!
While Meza and the others slipped into drunkiness, I tried my luck with some of the local ladies.
There was one girl in particular I took a liking to, Masia. Despite her English being no better than my Polish we hit it off famously (With the assistance of her friend who acted as our translater).
After dancing with Masia for a number of hours and no longer having her friend around to act as an intermediary our short lived relationship was beginning to wane. We had pretty much exhausted all forms of communication, and although my Polish line of; Mom Na Imil Luke. Yestesh Piekna (Translation: My name is Luke. You are beautiful) proved successful early on, it had most definately lost its appeal by the 100th edition.
We decided to go our separate ways and I staggered back to the hostel in the early hours of the morning.
Saturday June 3
Sporting a huge hangover, the day is spent touring Krakow.
The city of Krakow was founded by Prince Krak, who settled the location by the River after defeating the resident Dragon. Today was dragon day, which is an annual celebration marking the occasion. The day inlcudes live music, entertainment and a parade meandering through the city streets. After getting our dose of the local culture. Meza the two girls and I make our way up Wawel Hill. The hill is topped with castle and cathedral. It is a beautiful area, with fantastic views of the city and surrounds.
After spending hours walking the extensive grounds of Wawel Hill and reflecting on our last few days in the area, we unanimously decide that Krakow is the best place we have been to.
After a late lunch, I catch up with Joanna (The Manager of our hostel) and we spend the remainder of the day together. It is nice to spend some time with a local and she gives me a great appreciation of what life must have been like living in a communist country.
She is very intelligent and ridiculously funny and we get along famously. Meza and I had previously bought tickets for a night train to Prague leaving at 10.30pm and I have no doubts that we are charged extra for our tickets. (Australian Tax, tourist tax, can't speak Polish tax etc).
Joanna tells me of stories about the night train to Prague and how people have been gassed and robbed on more than one occasion. I am sure she is just taking the piss to have a joke, but as she bids me farewell she recommends that either Meza or I should be awake at any given time.
It is also time to bid farewell to Jeanne and Kelly. I had an awesome time travelling with them and I am sure our paths will cross soon.
July 04 The Chronicles of Luke A Curtain Chapter 2FROM LONDON TO BERLIN AND THEN TO POLAND IF I GET IN
Wednesday May 24
After an emotional departure from Tullamarine airport where I was Farewelled by Mum, Dad and Nana I took my first flight of my misadventure; A Qantas Flight to Sydney. I thought It would be a good way to ease into things.
For this flight I was lucky enough to be seated next to a Russian Jew. He was a hell of a nice guy with a cracking good goatie. The gentleman in question was flying to Moscow to meet his wife-to-be.
We talked about travelling, religion, politics and so on. He told me of his love of King David and why he thought Moses would never make a good golfer.
I quizzed him on this to which he replied 'Because he spends so much time in the sand'
Funny guy!
Another emotional farewell (This time at Sydney Airport), I was now ready for 25 hours of uninterrupted Glen A Baker. (His choice of tunes soothes even the savage beast).
As it turned out Glen A didn't get a look in as I ended up sitting next to 3 awesome people. Ben 25 from NZ, Andy 26 from Sydney, and Theresa from Norway who just happened to be celebrating her 27th birthday.
Opportunities to celebrate someone's birthday on an international flight don't come around that often, so the four of us spent the trip getting drunk, playing cards and making the most of British Airways' hospitality. We did break the drinking up briefly with a compulsory viewing of Joaquin Phoenix in 'Walk the Line'. That Resse Witherspoon is so delightful.
Thursday May 25
Arriving at Heathrow Airport at approximately 7.00am, sporting jet lag and a hangover I set off to my accomodation for the Next couple of Nights. Veronica and Max a lovely couple (friends of my mum) were putting me up until I set off for Berlin. I initially had some difficulties getting through customs as I had no fixed address in London, but because I had my Passport stamped with 'Australian Charm' the authorities had no option but to let me through.
After freshening up, Veronica took me on a tour of Old London Town. I checked out Piccadilly Circus, Eros, Trafalgar Square, The London Eye, and my personal favourite, 'Big Ben'. He certainly is one huge unit.
Mid afternoon I was shattered and went home for a 'Steve' Kip and was later served up a traditional English dinner of Bangers and Mash with a can of Foster's.
The next day I was to have two interviews
Friday May 26
I head off for the city at about 10am sporting 5 day growth and carrying 5.6 litres of Jet Lag.
On my way to the train station two guys in a Ford Focus pull up beside me, wind down their window, and offer me the latest in Hewlett Packard, Laptop technology. Although they insist that their prices are crazy, I opt not to make the purchase and continue on my way.
The interviews go well, although I am absolutely shattered for the second one, and the interviewer comments on my Craig David designer growth.
I have dinner plans with Veronica & Max et al, but first I decide to catch up with Michelle (Friend from Geelong) and some of her work colleagues in a Bar at Fulham.
It was a great little place and the barman was nice enough to Explain that a 'Chelsea Smile' wasn't a South London Cocktail as I had first thought, but rather a form of cosmetic surgery. Go figure!
The night goes on, we drink more pints, get served free cocktails, and a patron of the pub offers me cocaine on 6 separate occassions. It's a friendly gesture but I decline as I am more than happy with the Tappas on offer.
The night gets away from me and I don't quite make it back to Veronica and Max's
Saturday May 27
I wake up Hungover and tired, and have to make a round trip back to Veronica and Max's via all the places I left things behind the night before.
By the time I get back I have enough time to freshen up change clothes before making my way to Luton Airport for my flight to Berlin.
I arrive in the German capital at about 11.00pm. From there I have to take two connecting trains to my Accomodation (where my Travel companion Athony, AKA Meza is waiting).
I was lucky enough to be staying in East Berlin which meant the train stations I was getting on and off at hadn't had any maintenance work done on them since WW2, and being late on a Saturday night I got to meet an element of Berlin that I hadn't read about in my travel guide.
Well I arrived at the Hostel safely, caught up with Meza and we talked about old times. I unpacked my gear and then realised that some of my things were missing. Not to worry I thought, I will give my travel insurance a run.
Sunday May 28
I wake up ready to sink my teeth into some German Culture.
But first things first, I go down stairs to make the most of the free breakfast on offer. This excites me no-end as I have never stayed at a Hostel before. And Generator Hostel doesn't dissapoint. I grab cereal, orange juice, some ham and cheese rolls and at the end of the servery there are a basket of eggs. I think 'You Beauty!' I can cook my self some sunny side up action. I walk around with my tray for about 5 minutes looking for somewhere to cook my eggs, but there was nothing doing. So I decide to sit down and eat the rest of my breakfast and hopefully get some clues from the other patrons on where I can fry up my feast.
I polish off the rest of my food and still have no leads on where to self-cook. I have no other option but to throw my eggs out, feeling a little unfulfilled.
I head back up stairs to our room where Meza quizzes me about the breakfast. I tell him that it was great but I couldn't find anywhere to cook my eggs. He then explains to me that the reason for that is that are 'Hard-Boiled Eggs'.
It turned out to be a great day though. Meza and I go on a guided tour of Berlin. We see Check-Point Charlie, The Berlin Wall, Hitler's Bunker, The Reichstag, The Brandenburg Gate and even the window of the hotel that Michael Jackson dangled his baby from. Meza and I meet a couple of cool people. Jamie from Vancouver and Davo from Sydney
All in all a pretty decent city
Monday May 29
Today Meza and I venture out to the Streets of Berlin unguided.
Highlights include; Seeing Locals rip tourists off with their illegal games; Taking in the views of the city from a giant soccer ball; and paying money to go to the toilet. All of a sudden pissing up against a tree in the park didn't seem that dodgy
I am also told I need to get a police report if I want to make a claim on my Travel Insurance.
So I make an unsuccessful attempt with the local authorities to get such a report and the reason for being rejected is that I can't prove that my belongings were stolen. Fair enough.
Later that night Meza and I catch up with Davo and Jamie. We head out to a German Kareoke Bar.
Two things become clear to me on this evening. 1 Germans can't sing, but 2. they can drink from the age of 12.
I thought it was about time to throw my hat into the ring with the Kareoke, so I got up and sang 'Proud Mary' made popular by Creedence Clear Water Revival. I belted out each lyric with unrivaled talent, the crowd was singing back up vocals and I was cutting dance moves that the original 'sex machine', James Brown himself would be proud of.
Needless to say I took out first prize, scored a perfect 100 points, and was rewarded with free beer for the night and the admiration of all.
It was awesome, guys wanted to be me and girls wanted to be with me.
Tuesday May 30 Anthony and I spend the morning with Madeline our room mate before heading to the train station to catch the 12.42pm train to Warsaw (Approximately a 6 hour trip). Obviously it wasn't the right technique to convince this Train driver though. He gave me a look of digust, a look worthy of someone who had jus slept with his grandmother. My head dropped into my hands as I couldn't believe what had just happened. Meza had all my gear, my train ticket, everything except my wallet and the clothes on my back. I look up to take one final glance at the train as it pulled out of the station, and I see Meza on board, shaking his head in disgust and pointing to the watch on his wrist. I was stuck in Berlin..........
Meza took the liberty of making my journal entry for that day; he wrote Dear diary, it is official, I am a dickhead! I left Meza who needed to go to the bathroom of the train station and went for a piss. I took 45 minutes and the train didn't wait! What's going on? Meza had to carry all my stuff to another country while I figured out how to get there. Cracker of a trip so far!
Chronicles of Luke A Curtain Chapter 1Dear All and Sundry, It is time for me to bid farewell. At 2.00pm tomorrow I leave this beautiful country of ours in search of fame and fortune. There are just to many Larry Emdurs and Andrew O'keefes in this country for me to break into the Lucrative 'Game Show Host' industry, so I make the move to the Mother Country where the talent pool is shallower than the cast of Big Brother. This chapter will be the first of a series of light hearted, terribly amusing, always interesting anecdotes of the life and times of Luke A Curtain. Obviously I will be gone for an extended period, and no doubt I will be leaving a lot of broken hearts behind (None more so than Emu). I just hope that my stories of intrigue and adversity, adventure and romance go some way towards filling the void. There has already been talk of when I will return. Some say I will be home in a couple of months, others say I might be gone for good. The latest odds with Centrebet are as follows; 1. Bump into Heather Mills-McCartney in a bar in London after I get off the plane. We get talking over a few drinks. She laments the fact Sir Paul walked out on her. I say she needed to put her 'foot' down. We end up getting 'legless' and both blow our fortunes. I am on the next plane back to Melbourne 50-1 2. I couldn't get tickets to the World Cup in Germany so I masquerade as Kevin Spacey (Apparently I look like him) to get into the games. To my surpise the USA make the World Cup Final and I am asked to Sing the Star Spangled Banner before kick off. I only know the Jimi Hendrix version and therefore struggle my way through. I am kicked out of the country and extradited to the USA where I later become a contestant on American Idol. 25-1 3. I marry the first croatian girl that gives me the slighest bit of attention. We set up a 'Plaster Fun House' in Zagreb and live happily ever after (Sorry mum) 2-1 4. I get my dream job as the Host of the English version of 'Deal or No Deal'. A 5 year contract serves me well, until retiring to 'The Isle of Man' sailing my Sloop and listening to Bee Gee hits 5-1 5. I go on a tour of the Guiness factory, never to return Evens I look forward to hearing banter from all off you while I am away. I will miss you all terribly. Stuey do you still have my 'Mad Max' Dvd....? LC |
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